I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
