I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
