so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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