New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
