Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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