don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
