3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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