I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
