I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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