I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
