Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
