oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
