yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
