i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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