well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
