I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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