just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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