he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
two words...techno handjob
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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