Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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