she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
