6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
