I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also, beer. Big fan.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
