I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
