I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Don't EVER smell your tampon
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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