I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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