Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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