So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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