i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
