its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
