I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
