if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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