not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
