I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
