her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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