it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
