if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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