There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
