i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
