last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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