I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
