oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
