bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
