Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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