You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
