i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
