I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
