I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
