OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
