I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
