I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
