At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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