i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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