Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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