the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
